This all started after my belief in god started. I had “handed my life over to god.” I have to admit, i could feel a weight come off of me when I did. Everything had started to turn around when It happened. I had gotten a girlfriend, she was beautiful. i loved everything about her.
The way her brown eyes sparkled when she looked up at me, the way she could make me and everyone in the room laugh, how she could make me smile just by looking at her. I loved how mature she was and how she was one of the few girls that i ever dated that liked me for my personality and didn’t care about my looks. She was also a hard working person which i really admired about her. She would put so much effort into her work...almost as if it was life or death. I admired that about her because most girls around my age don’t really work. She had taken it to another level by working two jobs and trying to balance schoolwork on top of that.
I swear, i loved her so much. It made me happy that we knew how to cheer each other up, how we knew how to make each other smile, how we knew how to make each other laugh. She was like the opposite of me in some areas which made me love her so much more because you can’t have a relationship without having some opposite things about each other. Like for example, She was very active, always wanted to do something or go somewhere. That’s the exact opposite of me, I liked to sit down and relax and not do anything.
It’s hard to explain but it just mixed well together. I guess it’s like the term “opposites attract” i felt amazing every time I was around her. We liked a lot of the same things as well. Like how we both liked drinking monster energy drinks, and we both loved to skateboard and longboard. We could both be kicked back and relaxed but if we felt we had to get serious, we both knew when to put our feet down.
I was trying so hard to be an awesome boyfriend. I made sure she was always safe and secure and if she wasn’t i was right next to her ready to protect her no matter what. I never acted too clingy with her because I didn't want her to think I was one of those boyfriends that get worried if she is with some friends, no I wanted her to know I trust her 100%. I wanted to make sure I’d never ever forget anything I learn about her. So I wrote them down.
I was even beginning to make a poem out of my love for her. Unfortunately my heart has been broken and I feel that she has broken my invisible shield that protected me from getting hurt all these Years. I feel that she broke through that when I met her… and now she’s gone. I sit here now, depressed and doubtful of myself. Thinking things like “was I not trying hard enough?” And “did I not show my love for her enough?” I also reached the point where I think to myself “I don't deserve love. I'm an ugly monster that no girl could ever love.”
I don't think that I'll ever find a girl as amazing and as understanding as she was.
